• Personal,  Work

    notes from the sky #4

    “I’ll praise before my breakthrough, til my song becomes my triumph.”

    Bryan & Katie Torwalt

    I’m in the last month of tour. This is the time where all the emotions and questions are crashing in like waves. ⁣⁣

    I feel immense pride and joy for what we’ve created. There’s a goodness that covers the crowds I’ve been working with — in the midst of difficult, lonesome, sad times for them (and me). The tears I’ve cried haven’t been for waste. The frustration and grief have pushed me and taught me. Every bit of work I have been doing on the road, in therapy, and at work has ignited change. The excitement of putting someone on stage will never get old just like the sight of Percy Priest at 6 AM as I fly out of BNA. I have felt everything there is to feel this year.⁣⁣
    What’s 2020 going to look like for me? Will friendships be repaired in 2020? Will I allow new people in, ones who value me and care for me? Will I know when to walk away? Will I settle into a new routine? Will I be well like my tattoo says I really am?⁣⁣
    This entire experience keeps bringing me back to gratitude. And really that’s the way it should be. ⁣⁣
    I am damn grateful for the people who choose me and allow me to choose them. Thank you, Jesus, for helping me for find all the answers. And thank you to Dan for picking me up at the airport this morning despite my car being there.

  • Inspiration,  Life,  Personal,  Work

    [notes from the sky #3]

    Last night on a flight back from Fresno, I finally had time to reflect on last week, Salt 19, and everything that’s been going on in my life since Salt 18. I cried a little and smiled a lot. Reading back over this, I feel like I’ve left out so much. Maybe I’ll write more next week.

    I’m currently on a flight back from Fresno after the most incredible full band Raging Idiots show I’ve ever done (minus Million Dollar Show which will always be on a whole ‘nother level.) I just looked back over my post about SALT 18, and it’s mind-blowingly crazy to think about how much has changed in the last 365 days. It’s also really funny to see this: “I’ve been so busy this summer and fall. My house is a mess. I couldn’t tell you the last time my clothes were actually put away.” Because that is still true. Comically true. Some things don’t change. 

    Salt and this Fresno show put a nice end on the most ridiculously challenging and rewarding year of figuring out how to fit it all in. Navigating it all has been wild ride. I’ve felt very lost at times, and unpacking it all in therapy or with friends has sometimes felt like I’m just blurting out words with nowhere to really go. I think I’ve always said “This year has really been a rollercoaster,” but the last 365 days have been by far the most rollercoaster-y year of my life. 

    I can’t even pack it all into a nice list. I lost an important friendship, and I still don’t know what to even say about it. Being a tour manager and trying to keep my live events thing going is hard. I don’t know what my side hustle is anymore. We had one show where everything on my end went to crap, and then the tech director threw away a bunch of rental plants (yikes). Then there was the time (last weekend) Bobby left his guitar at home. I had to draw some hard and fast boundaries with my family. I got a phone I never wanted to get about my dad. I probably should have boarded the dogs during Salt. I saw a friend through an emotional divorce. We’re finally in a place of somewhat financial peace, and dang has that hard work paid off. And we FINALLY! scheduled a vacation. I put Ian freaking Cron on stage a few days ago. I don’t even remember half the stuff I’ve done because everything has been flying past me.

    Fitting it all in is HARD. I’ll never forget Bobby saying to me “I’ve always wanted to be this tired” around this time last year. I’ve  always wanted to be this tired!

    I will rest in your promises
    My confidence is your faithfulness
    I will rest in your promises
    My confidence is your faithfulness
    Faithful you are
    Faithful forever you will be
    Faithful you are
    All your promises are yes and Amen

    Chris McClarney, Nate Moore, Anthony Brown

    I am so thankful for this Salt team. I always get a little nervous about going into new shows and crews and theaters and fairs because I never know how people will react to me. I’m always a more muted version of myself. But not with this team. They allow me to be me in the space we’re creating for other creatives. There is no other show that makes me feel so at peace. I truly believe we can find the rest that Jesus promises in other people, and I find it with all these people. The conversations and laughs we share are the best part of the week. I’m tearing up in this plane thinking about how special these people are. I’m so thankful for the time and space to slow down and create something with some amazing people. They are in my life for such a time as this. 

    I love all of you more than all the Diet Coke I drank last week.

    For in him every one of God’s promises is a “Yes.” For this reason it is through him that we say the “Amen,” to the glory of God.

    2 Corinthians 1:20 NRSV
    Joseph Sojourner & Gloria Umanah
    Matt Maher
    Ian Morgan Cron (Yes, I cried a little while putting him on stage.)
    Luke McElroy
    Phil Bowdle
    Chris McClarney
    Melinda Doolittle
    Whit George
    Jon Williams
    Chris McClarney