I always thought I wanted to tour, but it never happened. — When I started Belmont Showcase Series I fell in love with live event production (and Dan LOL). I wanted nothing more than to production manage a showcase, and I did it. I wanted nothing more than to intern at Sound Image, and I did it. I wanted nothing more than to finish Audio 2 in one piece, and I did it. When I graduated, I was so set on knowing that touring would be my career that I failed to see God setting up something bigger. What I ended up seeing was disappointment.
For three years, I watched friends go on tour and was silently jealous. For three years, I was “stuck” doing corporate shows. For three years, I worked my butt off with “nothing” to show for it. For three years, I was bitter and angry at God. For three years, I could not even be slightly content with what I had. I was so sure that God was going to come through. Why would he light a fire only to put it out? I waited three years.
Girl, you were wrong. You had it all wrong.
Earlier this year, I started therapy. I started having more candid conversations with friends about my stuck-ness, my fears, and the absolute mess that my life had become. I handed over all my anger and fear to Jesus through some incredibly awful journal entries and prayers. There were a lot of tears and harsh words, but thankfully my friends, my husband, and Jesus are all so, so gracious. I found a fitness studio I absolutely adore. I put my head down, and went to work every day I could doing whatever I could. I worked some awful events to pay bills. I chose to be grateful, even if it meant thinking “I am very grateful for this awful client having a budget big enough to pay me to work their awful event.” I stopped thinking about climbing some arbitrary ladder in the event world. I focused on doing a good job at whatever gig I was on. I stopped hinging my identity on work, and just let go. I placed every ounce of trust in Jesus. And then some wild things happened.
I went on a weekend run on a tour in August. I managed a show for that tour on September 1, and will do a few more this fall. I worked my seventh Welcome Week at Belmont. I was hired for an event, and I got it completely on my own. No referrals, no recommendations— just me, a resumé, and an interview. That led to another gig. I’ve done graphics for so many events this summer, I can’t even remember what the conferences were about. I fell in love with corporate shows, and their intricacies. I started telling people I want to be a show caller. Lol what?
I’m not bragging about me. I’m bragging about Jesus. He came through. I was so frustrated that what I wanted didn’t happen. I didn’t hear him saying “You just wait.”
I’ve been so busy this summer and fall. My house is a mess. I couldn’t tell you the last time my clothes were actually put away. I started feeling overwhelmed at the beginning of the month so I decided to take this week off. Two weeks ago, I told my sweet, patient husband Dan that I was taking this week off no matter what. I’ve been going nonstop since July. I wanted to rest. But he asked if I wanted to join the production team for Salt because they needed another person. I flipped and flopped. Shocker, I ended up saying yes. And I am so glad I did.
Last night, I started out my “job” bawling like a baby at this video of a man named Roger Flournoy who considered cerebral palsy a gift from God. Please watch this. He said he struggles with loneliness, and I lost it. I started crying like a baby. I am sitting in the front row trying to get speakers on stage, and my mascara is running down my face. I knew I was in for it at that moment.
I go to church on my own every Sunday in my electric wheelchair. I really enjoy that, because I am a greeter at the 11:15 service. My favorite part is seeing all kinds of faces. That is such a joy, because I recognize that the church is made up of all kinds of people. I don’t have to listen to lies that since I am disabled, I am not important. God made me who I am, and I was born with cerebral palsy not because of an accident but on purpose. When I think of on purpose, I say ‘Oh man! How can I not worship God!’ Because He loved me that much to give me CP so I can encourage the whole body of the church and non-believers. It actually brings me to tears, and I am very humbled because not everybody gets the gift of realizing that. God gave me this life, to not waste it, but to use it. -Roger Flournoy
Last night Chris Durso spoke about Mary and Martha being upset at Jesus not coming through on his promise of Lazarus not dying. The waiting. The frustration. There are two instances of “If you had been here, my brother would not have died.” Jesus knows on Day One he’s dead. He doesn’t show up until Day Four. There was a lot of “if you had been here,” going on in those three years of frustration. And to my frustration and questioning, and to Mary and Martha, Jesus answered “Did I not tell you that if you believe, you will see the glory of God?” Did I not tell you? You just wait.
“Can you worship the Lord on day three in the waiting, knowing that the promise of day four is coming?” – Chris Durso
I can now say I’ve helped stage manage a show from the audience because even speakers need a little worship time.
Back again sharing a bunch of new purchases from the past few months.
Preorder was ROUGH. I was on the west coast, and Dan was at home. So at midnight PST/ 2 AM CST, we were ordering phones together. I couldn’t get through so Dan had to order mine after he ordered his. They shipped earlier than expected too! I bought this folio case, and both it and my phone miraculously arrived on the same day. I knew I wanted a wallet case so when Apple released this one, I thought “Oh, great!” But I hated the case in the beginning for reasons I can’t really explain. It just didn’t feel right. It’s grown on me though in the last few days, and I really like having it. I went out for a friend’s birthday this week, and it was so great having my phone, license, and credit card all in one place without the bulk of a true wristlet or wallet.
Epionce Medical Barrier Cream & Epionce Enriched Firming Mask
Last summer, I saw my dermatologist about my ridiculous hormonal acne. She put me on a retin A cream that has done wonders for my hyperpigmentation, but it makes my skin so dry. In September, I went in for dermaplaning with the aesthetician at my dermatology office, and she recommended this super moisturizing cream along with an enriched firming mask. I use the barrier cream every night after using the retin A cream, and it’s been a game changer, especially over the last week when the temperatures have been below 25 every day. I use the enriched firming mask once a week unless I feel extremely dry. I couldn’t recommend these products enough for someone who has dry skin.
LLBean Sweater Fleece
In October (of last year?! When did 2018 happen?!), I went to Portland, Oregon for an event. The highlight of that trip was going to Seattle for a few days before taking an Amtrak train to Portland for the event. The low part of the trip was my Columbia fleece just falling apart. The zipper got stuck, and when I tried to fix it, it ripped on both sides causing the little bungee cord things around the bottom to come out too. There was a Columbia store directly across from our hotel so during a break I popped in to buy a new fleece. Apparently in the four years I haven’t purchased a classic Columbia fleece, they’ve redone the fit, and the quality just wasn’t the same. Talk about a letdown.
When I got back and started getting out jackets and coats for late fall and winter, I remembered my LLBean sweater fleece pullover. I love that thing so I bought a full zip black sweater fleece for work. Every event space has a different opinion on what “comfortable” is for a temperature. A great fleece jacket is always a must-have for me on events. It fits as expected, and is the perfect softness.
Nike Tanjun Racer
To make a long story short, I took a seasonal job at Kohl’s during December to have something to do over a notoriously slow-for-events month. I didn’t spend my entire paychecks there, but I did make a few purchases with a great discount. I guess I have a thing for sneakers now because I bought another pair. I bought these Nike Tanjun Racers, and they’re just a great shoe. I wore them a ton to work at Kohl’s, and they’re dark enough that I don’t mind wearing them to most events with my show blacks.
I got two of these in the mail yesterday, and I 100% plan to take them up on their wear it for 30 days wash and wear guarantee. But after one day, I’m pretty sure I’ll keep them. If you decide to return bras, Knix donates them to a women’s charity, which is pretty dang cool.
Ubiquiti AmpliFi HF Home WiFi System
Y’all, for over a year, we had problems getting the WiFi to work in bedrooms upstairs and sometimes in our breakfast area. We could only have our Comcast router in one spot, and it caused issues for other rooms in the house. We researched for months about WiFi mesh systems, and finally settled on this one. LIFE CHANGED. Dan and I are no longer slamming our mouses (mice?) down on the desk in a fit of rage while trying to get work done.